Typecast

Do you feel isolated from others? If so, what do you do about it to pull you out of the slump?

Tired of a lot of things.

More amazing than almost anything in this world is the power that gratitude can play in your life. Instead of approaching a situation with a, “Why me?”, we can approach a loss feeling blessed and fortunate to be living the life that God has called us to live. When you REALLY get why Jesus died for you, when you experience His love in a radical way and understand His desire to have you is as deep as the ocean, how can it be about you?

Being thankful for the ultimate sacrifice He made, His life laid down for us, we can begin to draw close to that Love, exude it, and bring others into its warmth and protection.

God is shedding new light on this for me. I’m deepening my understanding of what dying daily to your flesh includes, and it’s a painful process. Things that you do for others aren’t what they’ll do for you, and that hurts enough, but those feelings of love and acceptance you’ve wanted for so long sometimes don’t come. Those friendships that were tarnished sometimes won’t be the same, sometimes won’t mend. God has a better plan and to die to yourself is to trust Him more than you trust yourself.

After several personal/relationship issues have hammered on me for the past few weeks, I stopped resisting. I gave in to the pressure and thought that those around me would help lift me up. The truth is, you can’t wait for those around you to cater to your needs and you certainly shouldn’t give in when pressure is at its highest. There exists a God, your loving Father, who longs to wrap you up and protect you and show you your worth if you allow him to. Approval of and encouragement from others is helpful, but since God is in the business of giving you the fullness of life (John 10:10), being your fortress in times of need (Psalm 61:3), and giving you peace and rest when you’re at your breaking point (Matthew 11:28), why should you turn to anyone else?

Ladies, I hate to be the one saying this because for years I knew I would never be this woman, but I have been needing extra help from my boyfriend in finding security for myself during a particularly bad series of obstacles in my life. Don’t get me wrong, he has been encouraging, but he’s just not a sympathetic guy. That’s who I fell in love with and that probably will not change. He views life as, “If something is wrong and you don’t like it, do something about it. Crying isn’t going to help change the situation.” This rings 100% true, but I know most of you know the waterworks don’t take logic into account. Since bad situation after bad situation has been plaguing my little bubble the last few weeks, it seems the faucet won’t turn off. Last night, he and I had a discussion that really opened my eyes to what men see when a situation such as this befalls the woman in his life.

“When we first started dating, I thought to myself, ‘This girl has really got it together.’ I loved how confidently you approached things.” Those were the first words that came out of his mouth when we discussed the situation last night, followed by, “That’s why I’ve been telling you to be the strong woman you are and stop all this emotional nonsense. It’s honestly a huge turn-off for me. When you are at my feet begging for attention, that’s when I don’t want to give it to you.” I had NEVER considered this possibility because my reaction is always, “How can I help? Do you need a hug?” etc. I suppose it had not dawned on me that people viewed handling hurt differently than I did because it seems like a natural response. But I am a woman. Our emotions are prevalent in areas of pain and suffering. Men don’t let things bother them openly nearly as much as women do (often not at all). All this being said, during this time all I wanted was encouragement and to be loved on and told that things would get better and that I was doing a good job, all while pushing the person away that could do that (so I thought). After a while, it got so bad that we would sit on opposite ends of the couch (yes, just like you’re picturing, a still frame from a film) so I decided to take action and met for lunch with my pastor’s wife to explain how I was feeling and see if I was doing something wrong.

Her response was, “Yes and no. Your boyfriend should be encouraging you but you may be looking for him to do things/grant approval in areas that are not his responsibility. He cannot validate you as a person. Only God can do that.” A wave of peace crashed over me in that instant and I realized what had been suffering was not me, but my relationship with the Lord of my life. I had not been communicating with Him and it was showing in a very apparent way. If any of you have read Captivating, you understand what I mean by the validation of your being. Women are created with an innate desire to be pursued, loved, cherished, and told of their worthiness and beauty. When you are looking for that from the wrong sources, the result can be lethal. I have had weak points where I have sought that from men but never received it, and for that I am ashamed. Not long after I had found and been in tune with the source of this validation, I met my boyfriend and somewhere along the way the paradigm shifted. I had been holding him to this invisible standard of affection and approval that he had no knowledge of and definitely did not have the power or ability to supply. I was searching for a plug-in for my confidence when it should not have been in myself to begin with.

I write all of this to say that the enemy will use ANYTHING to get you off track with God. He loves using God’s blessings to create this effect because it diminishes our hope. It turns us into helpless creatures (which we should never be with the love of Christ on our side) with no sense of direction. It blinds our eyes to what is important, it desensitizes our hands from feeling with purpose, and it builds a wall around our hearts that takes time to destroy. There are no limits to the nasty things that he will do and methods he will employ to falter our faith, and being a Christian means being aware of his existence, not pretending life is all about beauty and perfection and never having struggles with God. If we revisit John 10:9-11, we see that Satan “comes only to steal and kill and destroy”(v.10)… and he will do it with any possible means.

Back to the relationship side of this: yes, your significant other should encourage you and seek to aid you with your problems, but he is not Superman. He cannot read your mind. Do not think that relationships are not hard work, and communication is key. Dying to yourself daily to serve the Lord sometimes means that love is hard. In Ephesians 3, Paul prays for POWER that the church may know the love of Christ (v. 18), so that when that love results in a slap in the face or turning or even walking away, you do not lose self-worth because the Lord will provide power to combat the trials.

Your confidence resides in the Lord. Keep it there and cherish it.